I’ve been thinking a lot about equity lately, and the inequity of divorce. About how my generation is less well off than my parent’s generation. And about the fact that I live in a rented house and drive a beat up, 8-year-old car. The same car that both my kids learned to drive in (hence the appearance). I have been generous with my time, resources and love from the moment they were born. But when I’m feeling down, I often wonder if that is enough. When children are grown, there is often a huge shift in motherhood. But motherhood with grown children AND divorce? Sometimes it’s a field full of landmines for my self-esteem.
My ex lives with his girlfriend in a huge house with a garden that she owns and they renovated together. They just bought the kids a nice used car to share. They have taken expensive vacations and regularly go out to the most exclusive restaurants in the city for family events and holidays.
It’s a blessing that my ex’s girlfriend and her kids get along with my kids and I know it’s irrational to feel like I have been replaced. But sometimes it gets to me. I supply tampons and socks and their favorite home cooked meals. I can tell what mood they’re in and how they’re feeling with one word.
Motherhood is giving your children what they need
We mothers know our children come home when they feel sick or injured. I will always be mommy and I have a very close relationship with both of my children. Someday, I might be able to take them on nice trips. But it doesn’t matter. It’s only my pride. They don’t see that sometimes it hurts a little when they talk about the next big adventure that I will not be a part of.
It’s hard not to feel competitive under these circumstances. It’s not within my means or my parenting philosophy to shower my children with material goods.
So I choose to believe that wherever I am, I am home to my children. (Tweet it!)
And that that is the most important thing I can give them as they begin to test the waters of adulthood.