Traveling isn’t any fun anymore. The world is a scary place and the security checks and long lines in passport control (although necessary for our safety) are tough on the traveler. Being compressed into a germ-filled, flying tin can for hours on end doesn’t add to the glamour. Especially when not everyone shares the same level of personal hygiene or possesses an inside voice.
It had been some difficult months for me and I was looking forward to some quiet time with one of my dearest friends. We had three days planned. Thanks to a canceled flight with no explanation from the airline, one of those days were spent not going anywhere. I reached my destination 24 hours late.
I was so disappointed. Calling her from baggage claim, upset and teary-eyed, I waited to pick up the luggage I had checked three hours earlier. A night of sleep had been lost and the next night would be no different. She was calm and sweet and very reassuring. Spending time with her has always felt like a salve. She has an amazing telephone voice. I hung up the phone, grabbed my bag, and headed to the taxi stand. Coaching my client’s to deal with stressful situations is one of the most rewarding parts of my work. I help them face challenges head-on, it was time to listen to my own advice.
Getting by with a little help from long-term friendships
As I was riding home early that morning, I thought about our friendship. It began in the spring of 1986 when a mutual friend skipped our introduction brunch. The memories came flooding back.
The thing about life-long friendships is the love and acceptance one receives (Tweet it!)
That sometimes doesn’t happen in our marriages. It shouldn’t be that way, but oftentimes it seems to be.
We have known one another through 30 plus years. We’ve lived on different continents for the last 20 years. We see each other maybe once a year for big life events and very special occasions. We were married and pregnant the same summer with her youngest and my oldest child. Neither of our marriages survived but our friendship has endured for three decades. My kids think of her as an auntie and her kids call me auntie.
I remember when she called me in the middle of the night to tell me her marriage was over. She is one of the most intelligent, charming, and capable women I have ever met. The pain she was feeling was evident in her tone of voice. I listened carefully, holding my infant son over my shoulder. I did everything I could think of to reassure her that her decision was the right one for her and her children. When my own marriage broke up some ten years later, she was the one to insist I get a lawyer.
Learning from the best
My parenting style is modeled after watching her interact with her own children. Yes, they were children of divorce, but they were also children that knew they were cherished and would be very generous, productive members of society. The “cure cancer” kind of world-bettering people. She is a very successful businesswoman, and yet her children are her proudest legacy.
She was waiting at the gate when I finally landed and enveloped me in a hug. We walked arm and arm to the car. Our time together was closer to 36 hours than the three planned days. We hugged a lot and laughed a lot, exchanged small gifts, and caught up on our children & friends. My carry-on was falling apart, and she insisted on giving me one of hers. I will smile every time I use it knowing it was from S. A little good luck charm to help me safely on my travels until she and I meet again.
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: how did your divorce affect your long-term friendships?
