Summer is the end of traveling for most of us. This year has been particularly difficult for many people. Global warming and tremendous weather shifts have made travelling more stressful and in some cases more hazardous and almost impossible.
Prayers of safety for the hurricanes, typhoons, fires, volcanic eruptions, and unrest of any kind on our planet.
As with any trip of any kind outside your little corner of the world it can be stressful. Our interactions and stressors while travelling can put us right in the midst of a very large very diverse group of people. Sometimes there is a language barrier.
What’s going on?
I hear a lot of complaining and anger in totally inappropriate situations. When did yelling become okay in polite discourse? When someone asks a question, is screaming the response of an adult?
Traffic is terrible everywhere. If you must yell, do it in the comfort of your own head. A friend told me a story recently about catching a ride with a colleague back to New York City after a conference…
This person was, in all the interactions my friend had every had with him over a series of years, calm and positive. This person got behind the wheel of the car and suddenly everyone else was an asshole. She was shocked.
Now, I use this story as an example of what people do. I myself speak to other drivers and occasionally yell at the traffic through the closed windows of my car.
Do I let other cars go ahead of me? Yes. Do I sometimes say unkind things about them as they move in front of me? Yes. Although I believe these behaviors to be mostly harmless and a way to blow off steam, I am reminded that in these instances I have dehumanized my fellow traveler and have wished them harm. And this year (it was recently the Jewish New Year) I will try to lessen my animosity toward my fellow travellers.
It happens to all of us
It is a given that even the kindest among us gets cranky, but not everyone totally loses their shit at a stranger for the smallest infraction. It’s exhausting. It’s unkind and it doesn’t seek joy. It raises everyone’s blood pressure. And what kind of example does it set for our children?
I’m not sure what it is that makes people feel so entitled to spreading bad behavior. Politics aside, I don’t think we should accept rude as a way of life. No one wants to get yelled at, but sometimes we need to call people out on their outbursts. Or, if that’s too risky, then try to lead by example. Be kind. Let someone in line ahead of you. Everyone eventually gets to where they are going.
A real life example
Last summer, I asked a woman with two small children if I could help her by breaking down her stroller near the entrance to the plane. She looked at me with shock on her face and then blushed and smiled and handed me the stroller and picked up her toddler and walked onto the plane.
Did that cost me anything? I remember travelling with two small children. It was not an easy task. I would so have appreciated some help instead of people muttering under their breath about children shouldn’t be allowed on planes.
I think empathy is an artform that we need to bring back (Tweet it!)
Immediately.
Think about it. Who in your life responds with anger (besides a teenager)? I had the good fortune of being around a lot of teenagers at a family event. They were snarky, but not all the time and for goodness sakes, their brains aren’t quite fully developed.
I mean adults. Co-workers, family members, people out on the street? There is a lot of anger out there. And it’s frightening. We see new examples every day.
I believe that bitter and angry is a choice. This year I am not going to join the impolite, angry, and bitter ones. The victims and the blamers. There is no room for joy in the life of a blamer. We can all be grown-ups and take responsibility for our own mistakes as well as our triumphs.
It is impossible for me to think of a one person whose life has turned out the way they planned. That everything they ever wanted has come true. That no one they loved has ever gotten sick or died or left. It doesn’t happen. Life isn’t fair it’s just life. It’s the only one we get.
Coaching with Tamara Mendelson
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We’ve got to move on
The people I worry about are the ones that don’t have the life they want and instead of working toward something they do want they move toward bitterness and resentment. We have all felt bitter at one time or another but we don’t stay there. Not if we want to live a life of quality.
Bitter and angry can be a weigh station as we’re working through a loss or a tragedy. Not a place of permanent residence. All of us who have gone through a separation and divorce, death of a loved one, cancer, trauma (both mental and physical) have howled at the moon, maybe yelled at God, or been furious with our partners. But then it should pass. Or at least evolve into some kind of acceptance.
Being the wronged party can garner sympathy and a certain amount of kinship for awhile. Staying in the victim mode won’t get you closer to your goal of living a better life. Bitterness is ugly and toxic and it leaks out onto everything and everyone.
Ask yourself this
Are you kind to the person you just celebrated your 30th anniversary with? Or do you blame her for not having the life you wanted? Are you still mad at your father for something he did 20 years ago?
All people have pain and loss. Our goal should be to live as truthfully as we can manage and forgive ourselves so that we can forgive others.
One of my goals this year is to complain less and enjoy more. Simple? Easy? We’ll see. Won’t you join me on my quest to live a more joyous life?
Relationships are hard, even the good ones. Not admitting fault out loud is okay, if it’s too scary for awhile. But inside, in your heart of hearts, you must be willing to look at the truth. We are imperfect beings. Living messy, imperfect lives. But the examples we set for the people around us have profound long-term results.
This year, I choose joy. Do you?
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: What are your goals this year?
