Is the heat making you annoyed, irritable, itching for a fight with the mailman?
Do you remember the MTV show, The Real World? During later interviews, participants would divulge that the houses were always kept sweltering. It made them more likely to lash out at one another, creating juicy drama for producers and viewers.
Heat naturally makes us irritable and grumpy. My best piece of advice is to get over it.
In today’s real world, it’s getting hotter and it’s not making people happier or kinder. Summer this year has been sweltering for many on our overheated planet. Alaska hit 90 degrees in June. People didn’t go to work in Europe because there was no air conditioning and roads were melting.
Thoughts and prayers of safety for the earthquakes, hurricanes, typhoons, fires, volcanic eruptions, and unrest of any kind on our planet. Travel safely and carefully. Take a breath. And count to ten. Drink a glass of cold water. Eat a popsicle. Don’t be grumpy.
What’s going on?
I hear a lot of complaining and anger in totally inappropriate situations. When did yelling become okay in polite discourse? When someone asks a question, is screaming the response of an adult? Honking when the light is green for a nanosecond?
Traffic is terrible everywhere. If you must yell, try to do it in the comfort of your own head. A friend told me a story recently about catching a ride with a colleague back to New York City after a conference…
This person was, in all the interactions my friend had ever had with him over a series of years, calm, reasonable and positive. This person got behind the wheel of the car and suddenly everyone else was an asshole. She was shocked. The ride lasted for four hours.
Now, I use this story as an example of what people do when they are grumpy. I myself speak to other drivers and occasionally yell at the traffic through the closed windows of my car.
Do I let other cars go ahead of me? Yes. Do I sometimes say unkind things about them as they move in front of or around me? Yes. Although I believe these behaviors to be mostly harmless and a way to blow off steam, I am reminded that in these instances I have dehumanized my fellow traveler and have wished them harm. And as it isn’t healthy for anyone to spend time raising their own blood pressure, I will try to lessen my animosity toward my fellow travelers.
It happens to all of us
It is a given that even the kindest among us get grumpy, but not everyone totally loses their shit at a stranger for the smallest infraction. It’s exhausting. It’s unkind and it does not seek joy.
I believe yelling is a learned behavior and as a learned behavior, what kind of example does it set for our children? You yell all the time at everyone, your children will yell all the time at everyone unless you stop. Don’t be grumpy.
I’m not sure what it is that makes people feel so entitled to spreading big black clouds of bad behavior. Politics aside, I don’t think we should accept rude as a way of life. No one wants to get yelled at, but sometimes we need to call people out on their outbursts. Or, if that’s too risky, then try to lead by example. Be kind. Let someone in line ahead of you. Everyone eventually gets to where they are going. And is five minutes worth risking your life?
A real-life example
Last summer, I asked a woman with two small children if I could help her by breaking down her stroller near the entrance to the plane. She looked at me with shock on her face and then blushed and smiled and handed me the stroller and picked up her toddler and walked onto the plane. Random acts of kindness.
Did that cost me anything? I remember traveling with two small children. It was not an easy task. I would have appreciated some help instead of people muttering under their breath about children shouldn’t be allowed on planes. And oh great, I hope those children are not going to be sitting next to me. Um, I can hear you…
I think empathy is an art form that we need to bring back. (Tweet it!)
Immediately.
Think about it. Who in your life responds with anger (besides a teenager)? I had the good fortune of being around a lot of teenagers at a family event recently. They were snarky, but not all the time and for goodness sakes, their brains aren’t fully developed.
I mean adults. Co-workers, family members, people out on the street? There is a lot of anger out there. And it’s frightening. We see new examples every day. About six months ago, I was sitting in a meeting. After hearing a colleague speak unkindly to someone new, I asked this colleague to use a different tone of voice.
She told me in a loud voice to shut up. I was stunned. And her behavior is well known and excused because she is such a good employee. Seriously? I have as little interaction with this person as possible. She doesn’t listen and uses said tone of voice all the time. I am sure she doesn’t hear herself.
Bitter and angry are choices
It is my belief that bitter and angry are choices. We are all human and have pain. That is part of our existence. I am not going to join the impolite, angry, ones. The victims and the blamers. Those who embrace the drama/trauma cycle can do it if they wish.
There is no room for joy in the life of a blamer. We can all be grown-ups and take responsibility for our own mistakes as well as our triumphs.
It is impossible for me to think of one person whose life has turned out the way they planned. That everything they ever wanted has come true. That no one they loved has ever gotten sick or died or left. It doesn’t happen. And the only thing we have control over is how we manage the life we have.
Life isn’t fair it’s just life.* It’s the only one we get.
*Rob Lowe, Autobiography Stories I Only Tell My Friends
Now over to you: What can you do to spread more joy in this heated day and age?
Be kind to yourself.
