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If you are currently at home due to this global crisis, then you might be challenged. Here are 5 work from home tips to keep your spirit and sanity intact.
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I don’t remember when the first time I heard the term “mental health day” was but I thought it was a great idea. When I was young and single and living in San Francisco, I prided myself on never taking vacation days or sick days and pretty much worked all the time.
By the time I was a parent and my kids were in school six days a week, I realized that every once in a while, they needed a day at home. Six days a week is a lot of days to get up and get organized and get out the door to school. Especially for little people who get tired and need unstructured time to play.
When was the last time you did something just for fun? It rained a bit this morning. Well, sprinkled actually. I stood outside feeling each drop on my face and took a deep breath. I remember standing outside in the rain with my sister in a parking lot once watching a brilliant rainbow form into the deep jewel tones and then begin to fade after a few minutes. People stopped their cars and asked us if we needed anything or were okay. I laughed because at that moment I was all perfectly okay.
What I often suggest during sessions with my clients when they are deep in an emotional downpour is to stop and try to notice things around them. Get out of their own heads for awhile.
What triggered this darkness?
When did they begin to feel unwell, or stressed or anxious?
Were there certain people or events that triggered their downward spiral?
Was it a series or cluster of things?
With these simple questions, we can sometimes pinpoint the moment when things were okay to when they were no longer okay. It can be an event that happened years earlier or something that happened yesterday. And when a trigger can be acknowledged and recognized it no longer has the same power or can be avoided in the future.
It’s all about recognition of patterns that are negative and disrupting or discarding those patterns and the development of newer healthier patterns. In practical terms what does that mean?
If you are so wound up in your stress or sadness or circumstance that you can’t see anything beyond it it’s time for you to take a mental health day.
Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2020 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
It’s time to take a deep breath. Take a minute to try and gain some perspective on the situation. If a minute isn’t long enough, take an hour.
Go outside. Get out of the house or the office. Wherever you are feeling trapped or anxious, move. When my own anxiety was crippling, I opened the curtains and let the light in. It doesn’t fix anything but it can make you feel more hopeful. Listen to some music, a podcast, watch a brain candy movie or television show. Anything you can do to change what you see.
Get out of your own way. I have a friend who used to say “Get off the soapbox we need the wood.” What that means is take a step outside your own story or situation and try to look at it from another perspective. Sometimes people get trapped in their own victimhood and cannot move.
I have heard clients say, “I am so blessed. I shouldn’t be so unhappy, so sad, so anxious.” Why not? Life is messy and complicated and stressful. Step away for as long as you need to, to get out of the funk that is bringing you down. Is there an event you have been dreading to attend? Don’t go. Give yourself permission to say no.
I know this is a big one and many people have trouble asking. Personally, I didn’t learn how to ask for help until I had a tumor on my brain removed and got PTSD. I had to ask for help. And now I help other people. If we would listen more closely, people offer to help all the time, we just don’t listen. You know that song, “No man is an island, no man stands alone”? The words may be silly but it doesn’t make it any less true.
No one can do this life alone. At least not do it well. It’s too complicated and there is too much sadness and sorrow and stress to do alone. If you are overwhelmed delegate if possible. If you let people know you are in distress sometimes they will surprise and help you to feel better.
Permission granted to do whatever you need to do to feel better. It’s not embarrassing to be human. We are imperfect.
Admitting your humanity is a good way forward. Towards better mental health. Take a day.
And if you need someone to talk to I am here to help.
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: I encourage you to check in on yourself. Are you ok? Do you need a mental health day?
Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2020 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox. [magicactionbox id=1256]
Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2020 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox. [magicactionbox id=1256]
Overwhelmed seems to be the state of being for most of us these days. Most of us live in a modern, fast-paced, overstimulated life.
Overwhelmed by the flood of information on our smartphones, we find it hard to unplug. It’s a strong lure to have the internet open 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Overwhelmed by the volume of tasks we must complete every day, both at home and at work. We are in a constant state of carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. Feeling like the Greek mythological titan, Atlas, has become common.
Overwhelmed emotionally by living in toxic relationships, bombarded by negative energy and intention. We don’t take care of ourselves until we are ill.
No small wonder that the dictionary defines overwhelmed as “being buried beneath a large mass or heavy object”. That’s how being overwhelmed feels. A heavy weight that translates into a physiological weight we are all tote around all the time.
Here are five simple suggestions which I suggest to my clients in order to recognize their burden, then feel lighter and freer immediately.
Some of us go old school on this one, relying on a pen and paper. There is something about the weight of the page and ink that has a focusing effect on some of us. Think about going back to real pages in a diary, on a calendar, or a hardcover datebook in order to keep yourself organized. When I begin to feel like I’m juggling too many things at one time, I get out a legal pad, or my favorite notebook, and make lists.
These lists get prioritized into ‘immediate’ (as right now), ‘eventually’ (to do pretty soon), and then the ‘probably’ (not any time in the near future). When you break down your list, you’ll quickly see what needs your attention. And if something repeatedly shows up in the ‘probably’ column, it might be time to let it go.
Have one place where your electronics sleep at night. And make that not near your head or right next to your bed. If any of you have children, they will watch how you deal with electronics and the internet. If you are on it all the time and hardly ever make eye contact, they will take this as a sign that it’s okay.
A news cycle repeats itself about every twenty minutes. You can see or hear it all day. Spending time immersed in negative news and sensationalism is not going to help you be focused, concentrated, or calm. If you really want to know something right away, pick a source, give yourself a time limit, then turn it off. Siri and Alexa are rabbit holes, sucking you back to your electronics and away from a calm mind.
How about a local online newspaper to get your local news? Unless there’s dangerous weather approaching, where your safety depends on constant updates, turn it off.
Music is good. An intelligent or funny podcast is great.
Limit your time with toxic people or situations. Most of us want to do the right thing. We want to be there for other people, institutions, and organizations that we care about. At the same time, modern life has spread us too thin with a countless amount of those ‘immediate’ obligations.
My friend and mentor, Sam Bennett, has a great solution to this problem. When someone asks you to be part of something and your gut immediately says “no”, listen to your gut. If ‘maybe’ is really ‘maybe’, then ask to get back to them. If maybe means no then thank them for thinking about you and say it doesn’t work in your schedule. No more agonizing at the last minute when you said yes but really don’t want to go. Say no. Save your energy for the things you really want to do.
Eat well, sleep well, and be your biggest fan.
I have a client who carries around a big heavy stress bucket. She hates disappointing people and constantly feels overwhelmed. We worked out a saying to get her to take time enough not to volunteer for everything and be better to herself. You may call it a mantra, meditation, or a handful of other things but it goes:
“I am a capable, kind, well-educated human being and people love me. I deserve to be happy.”
When you feel yourself sliding into a stressful or overwhelming situation, breath. Think of someone you love and draw energy from that memory to help you cope.
Take care of yourself, eat well, sleep well, and be your biggest fan.
We all know people who live in this cycle of drama. We also know the ones who like to pull the rest of us into it. Many of us have a friend or acquaintance where everything in their life is a HUGE event. Everything is a big deal. No one understands them, and no one works as hard. No one feels the same tremendous pressure, and no one has the enormous responsibility.
They suffer and are always in the middle of some crisis or catastrophe or other. They constantly ask for help, attention, or an audience. These folks, however well-meaning, are exhausting. Life is challenging enough without making every little detail a drama.
So you have a choice. They can either dial down the drama of their own personal reality show, or you can turn it off. This kind of a person is generally self-centered and isn’t a good listener. They get some kind of satisfaction having you become part of their drama.
We all experience at least one of these stresses simultaneously. Choose calm and limit your exposure. Overwhelm should motivate us to action and then be let go.
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: What has got you feeling overwhelmed?
If you need some help, send me a WhatsApp message and let’s connect and work together towards a less overwhelmed existence.
Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2019 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
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Single seems like a sentence
If divorce is the crime. Nothing stolen,
except for life and time
-Tamara Mendelson
Everyone else does
Is not a reason to do
Anything ever
-Tamara Mendelson
It was hard not to have been riveted to and horrified by the ugly drama that unfolded in the US Senate Judiciary Committee Hearings last year. It looks like Trump’s nominee Brett Kavanaugh is not a Supreme Court Justice who behaves not very judge like.
It’s easy for these senators to say they believed Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony against their nominee, but they still voted for Kavanaugh to be the newest member of the Supreme Court. It is astonishing to note that these allegations, in any other industry, especially a media company, in this time and at this moment in history would have been enough to get the guy fired and possibly have criminal charges brought against him.
There are people in this world that don’t care what you have to say or what has happened to you. These folks are so used to getting their own way and being part of the 1% that, when there is some pushback, they freak out. Bullies do not like to be stood up to and often their bluster, threats of violence, and bad behavior is enough to keep people quiet. It’s not a political thing it’s a bad behavior thing. And it’s been working since the dawn of time.
If you don’t vote or get your voice out there to be heard, then you don’t get to bitch.
Be a mama bear. Protect yourself and the people you are responsible for. Call people out. Be brave. And if you feel afraid and alone, get some help. Talk about your fear and your heartbreak. Be loud and persistent and find a channel that works for you.
When you tell your story, it no longer has the same power over you. You can begin to heal and think about moving forward.
I am not saying take on a violent predator by yourself. But if you are in danger, ask for help. And keep asking until someone listens and you get what you need. Make your suffering count. Use it to your advantage to move forward. There is even a psychological term for this process: Post-traumatic growth. I have seen it in my own coaching practice. I have used it in my own life and you can as well.
Of course, this was the 80’s so I assumed it was my fault. He told me as well. It was a horrible, life-altering experience. I did tell a few friends who offered to kill him which I thought was nice. I told my story to other women as a warning and a bonding missive. There was also someone who heard my story second or third hand and reached out to me. And because he was part of the student administration at the time this associate professor was denied tenure and left the college at the end of that same year.
Someone listened to me and believed me. Someone heard me and was willing to get involved. I was lucky to have a supportive group of friends around me. Later, I did work with other victims. Unfortunately, there were a lot of victims. Like a lot of college campuses and apparently many workplaces as well at the time and still, where women are targets and through no fault of their own and need to be careful.
Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2019 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
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I had hoped with the #metoo movement that things were changing. Big sigh here. I believe in many parts of society things are changing. But not enough, and not yet.
Dr. Ford, in my eyes, is a hero in her own story and in mine. She put herself at great personal risk to tell the truth. Her life, for however long the news cycle lasts, will be a hot topic and under intense pressure and personal scrutiny. Whether you believe her story or not, she is a model of integrity. Something I can’t say for most of the other actors in this reality show.
I had a lawyer try to explain to me (mansplain) that “her testimony would not hold up in court. And as a lawyer, her story had holes in it.” I put up my hand in front of his face and told him to stop talking. I noted that a nomination hearing isn’t a court of law and if he wished to continue speaking to me he needed to stop attacking a woman for telling the truth about her personal, physical assault.
If you have been wounded or injured or have been through a distressing or disturbing incident, I urge you to get some help. If you are able to talk about it, many times this helps. Having someone hear you helps.
While working through your sadness or trauma, seek out like-minded people. Join a group. Avoid people or situations that make you feel unsafe or put you in any form of a defensive posture.
Do not accept the title of victim, although you may have been victimized, as so many women in the #metoo movement have been. Injuries do not have to be physical to cause great and lasting harm. There is no expiry date on a trauma. Sexual assault at any level at any time shouldn’t be okay. Notorious Ruth is going to be very lonely.
If you want a quick education about the Supreme Court and equal rights and why you should care, watch RBG – a CNN documentary about her tenure on the Court. And thank you to the men and women who listen and hear and understand.
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: Are you ready to talk about it? When you are, I’m here. This is a safe place.
