How long can you hold on to keeping score?
How long can you stay mad?
An hour, a day, or a year? A decade? Where does it get you?
Everyone has had their feelings hurt by an unsympathetic comment. An insult by a rude co-worker, a thoughtless remark by a family member or friend.
It is perfectly reasonable to be hurt by other people, but how long we hold onto these hurts can directly affect our ability to be happy.
I’m not talking about abuse or neglect here. I’m talking about the little and big things that happen to us every, single day. Someone pushing in line at the grocery store or cutting you off in traffic.
We all know stories of families who don’t talk to one another for years. To perpetuate these feuds takes emotional energy and time away from pursuing more positive relationships. If relationships are toxic, whether you’re born into them or married into them, you owe it to yourself not to let these negative situations define you.
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The only thing that we as human beings have control over is how we respond to situations.
It’s the height of summer and many of us are traveling. We’re visiting family in far flung places. We’re attending weddings, graduations, and other happy occasions. These reunions can be joyous and life affirming. They can also be minefields of old hurt, tamped down emotions, and old business that has had another year to fester.
For the last 20 years, I have been returning to my hometown with my children to visit family and friends. And revel in the temperate rain forest that is the Pacific Northwest of America.
Like all families, there are certain relatives or whole branches that no one talks to or talks about. People are not perfect and our feelings are fragile. Those who know us most intimately know where our weak spots, how to push our buttons. And they push them.
Everyone ends up keeping score from time to time
Sometimes it’s a financial situation or inequity, sometimes it’s something someone said or did years earlier. Could be a feud that has nothing to do with you.
Holding a grudge takes a lot of psychic energy. They are negativity that we carry around like a badge of honor.
Is it better to be right and unhappy? Is being right more important than having peace of mind?(Tweet it!)
We as human beings all have pain. Each one of us has been treated with insensitivity or unkindness. Some of us were bullied or abused as children or adults, loved unequally, left, cheated on, lied to, or deceived.
The slights can be real or imagined but they hurt either way. We spend too much time reviewing and rewinding and reliving these situations. And we almost enjoy being the hurt party and holding on to that resentment. We love knowing we were right. Keeping these wounds open wastes precious time. They grind us down with negativity and resentment.
So, this summer was we gather together with friends and family, each of us has a choice. Life is precious and short. Dwelling on every little thing that anyone ever did or said to you robs you of the ability to experience joy.
Now over to you: how long did you keep score after your divorce? Are you still keeping score? Are those feelings serving you?
