Is joy your singular motivation?
An angry bitter life is a choice.
What will you choose?
I have spent most of the month of August travelling. And yes, for those of you who have followed me, that was after my son’s surgery and a postponed move from a house to an apartment. There are a few boxes left to be unpacked and I brought a set of dishes back home that was very special to my mother. I put them in my luggage, wrapped very well, and didn’t break one.
My interactions while travelling were with a large very diverse group of people. Remember when air travel was fun? No, I don’t either. Have you been to an airport lately?
Bitterness abounds – how will you combat it?
I heard a lot of complaining and anger in totally inappropriate situations. When did yelling become okay in polite discourse? When someone asks a question, is screaming the response of an adult? Those airline counter personnel and TSA folks are just trying to keep us all safe in a very unsafe world, and making their days longer and nastier doesn’t really help the process.
Long lines, intrusive searches, more long lines, inadequate air conditioning, way too many people in a small space. Cell phones ringing and people talking loudly into them. Everyone gets cranky, but not everyone totally loses their shit at a stranger for the smallest infraction. It’s exhausting. It’s unkind and it doesn’t seek joy. It raises everyone’s blood pressure. And what kind of example does it set for our children?
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I’m not sure what it is that makes people feel so entitled to spreading bad behavior. Politics aside, I don’t think we should accept rude as a way of life. No one wants to get yelled at, but sometimes we need to call people out on their outbursts. Or if that’s too risky, then try to lead by example. Be kind. Let someone in line ahead of you. Everyone eventually gets on the plane.
I asked a woman with two small children if I could help her by breaking down her stroller near the entrance to the plane. She looked at me with shock on her face and then blushed and smiled and handed me the stroller and picked up her toddler and walked onto the plane.
Did that cost me anything? I remember travelling with two small children. It was not an easy task.
Empathy is an art form that we need to bring back
Think about it. Who in your life responds with anger (besides a teenager) ? I had the good fortune of being around a lot of teenagers at a family event. They were snarky, but not all the time and for goodness sakes, their brains aren’t quite developed.
I mean adults. Co-workers, family members, people out on the street? There is a lot of anger out there. And it’s frightening. We see new examples every day.
I believe that bitter and angry is a choice. This year I am not going to join the impolite, angry, and bitter ones. The victims and the blamers. The “Why Me” people. There is no room for joy in the life of a blamer. We can all be grown-ups and take responsibility for our own mistakes as well as our triumphs.
Bitter and angry can be a weigh station as we’re working through a loss or a tragedy. Not a place of permanent residence. All of us who have gone through a separation and divorce have howled at the moon, maybe yelled at God, or been furious with our exes. But then it should pass. Or at least evolve into some kind of acceptance.
Bitterness after divorce
When ending a marriage, or a relationship of any kind, blame is where a lot of people go and stay. Being the wronged party can garner sympathy and a certain amount of kinship.
Staying in victim mode after divorce won’t get you closer to your goal of living a better life. Bitterness is ugly and toxic.(Tweet it!)
All people have pain and loss. Our goal should be to live as truthfully as we can bear and forgive ourselves so that we can forgive others.
One of my goals this year is to complain less and enjoy more. Simple? easy? We’ll see. Won’t you join me in the quest for joy?
Relationships are hard, even the good ones. Not admitting fault out loud is okay, especially if it’s a legal battle. But inside, in your heart of hearts, you must be willing to look at the truth. We are imperfect beings. Living messy, imperfect lives. But the examples we set for the people around us have profound long-term results.
This year, I choose joy. Do you?
Now over to you: How will you choose joy this week?
