I remember standing with a couple of friend’s years ago at a brunch. We had lovely food on small plates in one hand and sparkling wine in the other. Someone walked up and asked the group what we were doing for Mother’s Day. This was a reasonable question as it was the Sunday before Mother’s Day. We all said almost at once “We hate Mother’s Day.” The person turned and walked away. We looked at one another and smiled and laughed.
Why were we hating on Mother’s Day? The reason was that we no longer had mothers to celebrate Mother’s Day with. All our mothers had died relatively young and it was a very tough holiday. I smile thinking about the memory as our mothers would have been appalled by our rude behavior.
For years after my mother passed away I gave flowers to a favorite aunt until she died. Then a favorite cousin until she died. And honestly, I am running out of people to celebrate with.
Mother’s Day is commercialized
Mother’s Day itself is a relatively new holiday. Although some sort of ritual celebrating mothers can be traced back to the Greeks. The modern version became a permanent holiday by decree in 1914 under President Wilson. Anna Jarvis, a banker and social activist, who was the founder of Mother’s Day, began celebrating the day in 1911. And Anna was instrumental in having it accepted as a national holiday. It was a day to honor and celebrate her own mother. Later in her life, Jarvis was disillusioned by the commercialism of the day.
Imagine, the founder of Mother’s Day grew to dislike it. So, what do we do not to make the day miserable?
Well, my choice would be to spend the day with my kids. I have adult children and have celebrated many Mother’s Days with them. This year they are on an adventure and will be halfway around the world on my day. Therefore, that won’t work.
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Here I give you five recommendations for things you can do to make the day a little special:
1. If your mom is nearby, having a meal together is a nice idea.
If you don’t feel like going to crowded restaurants with harassed waitstaff, takeout from a bagel place or deli counter works and is easier for everyone. Even if you don’t get along with your mother, she did give birth to you. So if a meal is too much or she is too far away, giver her a call, a card, or a coupon for a future meal together.
2. Let go.
Is the relationship with your mother not a close one? If you are angry and have no reason to celebrate, it’s probably time for you to let go of some of that anger and resentment. This is a good day to start trying to believe that people do the best they can with the situation they have at the time. And then, move on. Part of being a grown up is not blaming your parents for things.
3. Remember it’s only a day.
One day out of the year. The hype doesn’t have a lot to do with your relationship with your kids or your mother. It’s a holiday for companies to sell things. Don’t buy into it. Especially If you are feeling blue. Do something wonderful for yourself. If your budget allows and you are inclined, book a spa treatment, take a friend. Do it yourself spa at home. A little selfcare is in order. If that means do yoga, take a walk or binge watch “This is Us”, do that.
4. If your children are young and still at home, encourage them to be part of the celebration of their birth.
Cook together and tell them about where they came from. Obviously, it depends on their age how many details you share. Spend some time without phones, computers, or television, and make whatever time you have special. Make sure you get some of your wants taken care of on this day too. Also, “mommy needs two hours off” isn’t an unreasonable request.
5. Make yourself a plan for the day.
Don’t do errands unless you really want to. It will make you feel good. If someone else’s brunch is a tradition and you don’t want to go, don’t go. Life is about choices and you can chose not to do something you don’t want to do. Listen to some music either live or on the device of your choice. If you want to be alone, do that. And, if you want to be with people, then make that happen.
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Being a mother is the most difficult and most rewarding thing I have ever done. And I don’t need a day on a calendar to commemorate it.(Tweet it!)
It’s a day to celebrate women and what we can do with our miraculous bodies. It’s a day to celebrate the miracle that is birth. Your mother’s birth and yours.
Now over to you: How do you feel about Mother’s Day? Do you celebrate the day?
Be kind to yourself.
