Every day can be difficult around and leading up to the Holidays. Every year the Holiday messages start appearing earlier and earlier.
And you can bet that every message through every medium no matter what you watch or listen to or tune into online is showing you happy, whole, multigenerational people celebrating the very well decked out and prosperous holidays.
So what do you do if you are already dreading the next few months? What if you bought your Halloween candy even though your kids are too old to trick or treat and want to eat all the bags yourself because the holidays are looming and you know it’s going to suck?
I’ve developed five basic rules over the years that can make the transition into the holidays easier and happier for all concerned.
Here are my 5 rules to celebrate (and enjoy!) the holidays!
1. Invent new traditions
Just because something has been done before for a year or many years this isn’t a good enough reason to keep doing it if you don’t enjoy it. If it is something to be endured not enjoyed. That is a perfect recipe for being depressed and anxious during the Holidays.There is nothing sadder than trying to keep traditions alive without all the people that used to participate in them. (Tweet it!)
This is especially true if you have lost a loved one in the last year. Or your children are grown up and not really interested in family dinners. Or the travel is just too expensive this year. It’s a lot of pressure, and if you aren’t happy and enthusiastic your children will feel the tension and the only thing you will be celebrating is when the meal is over and you can return to your own corners, smartphones, Netflix, or whatever. Ask your kids what they would like to do this season. Get them involved. Their ideas may surprise you. Harry Potter marathon anyone? Experiment with a holiday dish you’ve been wanting to try but never made because your third cousin is vegan or has celiac disease. Wear your pajamas all day long. Just be okay with whatever you decide. If being with your family is too much for you, skip it this year. You and your children can make other plans. There is nothing more uncomfortable than having people discuss your divorce and your social life over a family dinner or at a holiday party. Or discuss politics that make you cringe.2. Decorate and make your environment festive
It doesn’t matter what holiday you celebrate getting your home to look more festive is an easy way to create an atmosphere of positivity. If you have never decorated before, this is a perfect time to start. If you have boxes of old ornaments, choose only the ones that bring you joy. Think about what you can do to liven up your space. If money is tight, streamers and paper chains are a good family activity and participation is a good way to get everyone into the spirit. It’s not about the stuff. It’s about being together. Most kids used to love hanging streamers and with colored paper and with a little tape or glue or staples and some paper you can make homemade streamers. If you are not a DIY person, a couple of candles and a happy upbeat saying on a piece of wood is festive. Soap in shapes you like. Some cinnamon and spice in a dish or a pine cone to display. A few hand towels with snowmen on them. A snow globe from a trip or your own hometown. Use the good dishes. A mug with a saying you like filled with candy on the table. Or buy a poinsettia. It is an amazingly hardy plant with bright red and green leaves. They are available everywhere and will last for months with very little care. I never understood why people don’t use the good dishes more often. Unless they are irreplaceable or very fragile why not bring them out? If they belonged to your mother or grandmother or you bought them at Target it doesn’t really matter. If you like looking at them or they bring a smile to your face, bring them out.3. Don’t be alone unless you really want to be alone
Some people don’t like the holidays. That’s fair. If you want to and are able to skip the whole season do it. I have a friend who goes away for the whole month and invites people to come to visit but doesn’t deal with the holidays anymore. She is much happier and so then her family is happier and there are no expectations. If the kids are celebrating with your ex on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or First Night of Hanukkah, join someone else’s family celebration. Don’t sulk at home! Unless your dream for a perfect holiday includes binge-watching your favorite movies in cozy pajamas with hot chocolate stirred with a candy cane. Okay, maybe that’s just me. Take your partner and skip town. Not all places are booked during the winter. Especially somewhere cold. If that appeals to you look into it. House swapping is a more affordable way to disappear. Ask for help if you are feeling desperate before the Holidays begin. There is no reason to be in pain if someone can help you.Coaching with Tamara Mendelson
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4. Be proactive, be proactive, be proactive
The holidays should not come as a surprise. They are mostly on the same days every year. So start early on your preparations so you won’t be caught off guard or get extra stressed. The day after Halloween, Christmas decorations go up and people start talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Hanukkah, or whatever they plan to celebrate. It’s just a day. 24 hours. If you have kids, don’t fight about who gets whom when and where. It just adds to the stress of an already stressful time of year. If you aren’t a fan of the holidays, try to think of the ways you can include things that you want to do. Do the work before the day. Don’t wait until the morning of to suffer. Talk to a counselor, clergy, friends, and family and make sure they all know how you are. Make plans and try not to wallow. It’s a difficult time of year for lots of people and you will only be alone if you want to be. If people don’t know your situation, they can’t help.5. Get into the spirit of giving
Keep in mind the things you are grateful for. I suggest to my clients to start a bullet journal. Not a big production, there is even an app for notes on your phone. Just jot down things as they come to you so you can read them over when you’re feeling blue. I always wondered why blue is the color of sadness. Maybe because it’s the color of a bruise? They can be small things, like not having your uncle Harry’s nose. Your sense of humor. Or larger, more soulful things, like the fact that your friends and family are healthy and safe. Being grateful and counting your blessings is a documented way to start feeling more positive. There are so many people in need right now between floods, shootings, and fires. It’s a great time to donate things that you no longer want or need. Being generous doesn’t mean writing a check necessarily. It can also mean donating your time as well as unwanted or unneeded items. There are churches, synagogues, community centers, and all sorts of charities that run programs all year but especially during the holidays. Sometimes helping others less fortunate brings the spirit of the holidays home in a way spending money or buying presents can’t. Peace on Earth. Send light into the universe. Joy begets joy. Be kind to yourself. Now over to you: What will you do to make your holiday season a little brighter this year?