My inbox is full of Black Friday offers and Cyber Monday deals and the countdown for shopping days until Xmas. My phone has 50 text messages about last minute deals and steals, and I didn’t sign up for any of these notices. What’s going on? Oh right it’s the season of consumerism. Gift giving pressure and holiday hype has begun.
I heard a statistic recently on the news that every adult in America will spend at least $1,000.00 on gifts this holiday season. That seems like a lot of money especially in these uncertain times. Watching the stock market return to it’s 2016 level speaks to some consumer concern.
So why do we continue shopping?
Cari Romm wrote an article in The Cut for New York Magazine a couple years ago about three ways people deal with being in a “funk”, eating our way to feeling better, venting our way to feeling better or shopping our way ie retail therapying our way to feeling better… Romm goes on to say how the comfort provided is temporary at best followed by the shock and guilt when the bill arrives. As I see with my coaching clients, for anyone going through a hard period in their life, this certainly doesn’t help.
I was introduced to the term retail therapy by my friend H when I lived in San Francisco. This was pre-internet shopping and the height of catalog purchasing. It was pretty cool to be able to flip through a glossy magazine and get the style number of anything you wanted and have it delivered within a matter of days. For more immediate gratification, we also lived very close to Union Square full of flagship stores and some of the most fabulous retail shops in the world.
Neither one of us had tons of money, or much at all to spend but a tiny bag with a small purchase wrapped beautifully in a box with tissue paper in a jewel colored box and a big bow like a present was a good soothing pick me up for awhile.
Coaching with Tamara Mendelson
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What’s the big deal about shoes?
It’s a remarkable phenomenon to see something you like, buy it and then it’s yours. I think that’s why women like shoe shopping so much. Our size never changes unlike every other part of our bodies. And as a friend and mentor of mine always says “good shoes are the way to make an outfit.” Shoes are wrapped in a box, lined with tissue paper and put into a bag so they can be taken home and unwrapped and admired at leisure.
As the head present buyer for my family (my mother also had me try on clothes when she didn’t feel like getting undressed in the dressing room) I have sometimes felt like I passed by the whole gift receiving thing because I was busy being the procurement specialist for the rest of the family.
One birthday gift I remember in particular
My sister and I had gone shoe shopping. Going shoe shopping wasn’t unusual. We wear the same size. She found an adorable pair of sandals for me as this has always been an issue with my “grandmother’s feet”. The problem was that they were sold out company wide. They had a size too small and one too big and nothing in our size. Too bad. I was disappointed but they were just shoes.
We were at a bar a fancy bar later that week to celebrate my birthday. We were drinking bright purple cocktails and having a lovely time when she pulled out from under the table a huge bag. I was puzzled and thrilled and hadn’t seen her bring it in with us. I opened the elaborately wrapped box inside. It was the pair of the sandals I wanted that were sold out of. I started to laugh feeling very pleased when she handed me another big box wrapped in bright paper. I opened the box inside and inside was a second pair of the same sandals. We started laughing so hard we couldn’t really explain between gasps why we were laughing.
Our waiter came over with a look of alarm on his face. “It’s a shoe thing” I finally got out of my mouth before wiping the tears from face and laughing even harder. Our waiter shook his head smiling and walked back to the kitchen which only made us laugh more.
It wasn’t the shoes it was that she had found not one but two pairs knowing I had wanted them. I don’t even remember what they looked like I do remember that evening though.
My point here?
Gift giving shouldn’t be about the things. It should be about the people we love and the experiences and time we get to share with them. (Tweet it!)
So this holiday season, be mindful of the gifts and give of yourself instead of buying something under spending pressure. A gift certificate for a home cooked meal is always a good gift. Especially if you have had a baby or an illness or just can’t face another take out menu.
Tickets to the movies or a ball game to take a friend or loved one out for an evening are something more precious than things are. The moments and memories we get to share with the people we care about are what’s really important. And time is the most precious gift of all.
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: What is the best present you have ever received, and what made this one so special?
