5 ways to survive being a teenager or living with one

In the last month, I have spent a great deal of time with some very special teenagers in my life. Overall, I have found them to be smart, connected, and highly intelligent. And at the same time an anxious, depressed, and confused bunch. Unlike times past, they may have fewer outlets to vent their frustrations. And fewer real people to talk to who are not themselves, also part of this anxious, depressed, and confused bunch.

I was also surprised to learn that this intensely savvy group may be very adept in using and understanding technology but are little stuck on the basic life skills side of things. They don’t have the slightest idea what they want and if they do know what they want they are not all that clear on how to go about getting it.

FOMO is a real thing

Many studies have shown that having a smartphone in your hand all the time can cause anxiety. A medically recognized condition that is a real deep fear of missing out (FOMO) or an actual physical addition to the constant buzzing, bells, and chimes.

It’s very hard to discuss problems in 60 characters or less. And if they wanted to seek some help or counseling there is a huge stigma against doing so. Many feel that to need help, any kind of mental health help, means that there is something wrong with them. They don’t consider being in pain or confusion as something someone with some life experience might be able to help them with. And as I’ve mentioned before, human interaction can save your life!

 

Coaching with Tamara Mendelson

Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2019 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
[magicactionbox id=1256]

They react to everything. Their concentration is challenged in every way possible. And don’t forget the raging hormones, peer pressure, and trying to please into the mix.

So what can we do to help these young people?

Here are 5 survival strategies for you and your teenager:

1. The only thing that you can control is how you react to things that happen to you or around you.

There can be a lot of negative energy emulating from a teenage mouth. Trust me, it’s not about you. It’s about an inability to control feelings. Ignore and opt to chat at a calmer time. Perspective comes with time and thought.

2. Check in with your body a couple of times a day

Am I hungry, thirsty, tired, feeling safe and secure and loved? That’s a lot of things to check but it’s very hard to make any kind of good decision if you are hungry, thirsty, or tired. Not to mention cared for and safe. And if you aren’t feeling good for any of these reasons, what then? You take care of the ones you can and get some help with the ones you need assistance with.

3. Bullet Journaling.

Suggest that your teenager writes about how they are feeling. This is a tested stress reliever and can clarify how they are feeling to see it written out on the page, phone, or computer. Not everyone is a novelist. A blank journal page can be extra pressure for some. You do not want to make the act of journaling another thing on your to-do list. Make it an option. It’s a good stress reliever for us parents as well.

4. Is something bad happening or not?

With most of us, our primitive brain jumps in at the first sign of stress and tries to keep us safe by pumping some adrenaline and getting us to run. Problem is most of the time we and our teenagers are in no real danger and all that surging can leave us all exhausted and more anxious than when we started. Ask yourself and your teenager “is anything really bad happening here?” If the answer is no, then repeat to yourself three times, nothing bad is happening.

5. Seek Help.

Everyone needs someone neutral and nonjudgmental to talk things over with. Parents can be great resources. We were all young once. But our own children are probably less likely to take our advice. Perhaps suggest someone outside who can listen with some perspective. It is completely natural to want to check in with someone, to help make a decision or solve a problem.

Sometimes just talking about things can make anyone feel better.(Tweet it!)

And no one needs to know if you or your teenager is seeking some help, encouragement, or information.

Coaching with Tamara Mendelson

Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2019 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
[magicactionbox id=1256]

The most important thing is that you have the resources to make better decisions and feel better about yourself and your emotional teen.

Be kind to yourselves.

Now over to you: What do you do to make sure your teenager(s) are living a happy stress-free life?

When did we become so afraid of pain?

In my work helping people feel better during or after a trauma, I have noticed that there are some old wounds people don’t want to reveal or revisit. They know that uncovering and exposing this old pain to the light will help give them a better overall sense of well-being. It may also allow them to live a fuller and happier life. In many instances, they want to hang on to that old pain. It’s familiar. Awful, but familiar. Deeply rooted and their fear is stronger than the relief could ever be.

I started to think about why this happens, especially with early in life trauma that we have encapsulated into ourselves. We carry this hurt around as part of us and consciously or unconsciously make decisions based on this earlier event. Sometimes we marry the same kind of people trying to puzzle out what happened to us. The deepest pain remains hidden.

Emotional pain can be every bit as painful as physical pain. (Tweet it!)

And the physical pain we pop pills to try to get rid of that as fast as possible. Is this how people get addicted to pain medication?

What happened the last time you got a headache? Did you take something? Did you think about why you might have a headache before you took a pill or two?

Were you dehydrated? Sleeping poorly? Too much time in the sun? Had you skipped a meal? Too much caffeine in your diet? Is your blood pressure too high?

When did we become afraid of pain?

Pain is most often our bodies way of telling us something is amiss. And not all pain can be deadened by a pill. There is too much information on the internet. I try not to look up symptoms as I am sure Googling it will bring up the worst-case scenarios every time.

Coaching with Tamara Mendelson

Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2020 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
[magicactionbox id=1256]

And I am not a great patient I used to wait to go to the Doctor until things were bad. I had a severe sinus headache on and off for almost five years. Every time I would fly I would get a sinus infection. I would tap my forehead and under my eyes and it would hurt bad. I would bend forward, and it felt like someone had taken a bat to my head.

There were two little children at home that I was very involved with and after a couple of Tylenol, cups of coffee and followed by an Advil or two I could get on with my day. This time was no different except antibiotics for ten days to clear the infection.

Did I visit the doctor? Yes, many times. The last time I went I was given vitamin C and Eucalyptus drops. I wasn’t taken seriously. I was told I looked too good to have anything seriously wrong with me. And then a month later I was having my usual headache and my face swelled like the elephant man. I was sure it was an allergy.

I had been to the ENT. They told me my sinuses were clear. And to the eye doctor. They told me it wasn’t my eye even though by then I couldn’t see out of my right eye and the whole right side of my face was swollen. I took a Benadryl and went to bed.

A friend helped me out

A dear friend, also the OBGYN who delivered my children, called to check on me and sent us straight to the Emergency Room. I told the babysitter that we would be back in a few hours. I was in so much pain I couldn’t hold my head up. In the ER I was seen by a doctor that said it was an allergy. A nurse disagreed and booked me for a CT.

It turns out I did have an infection. But not in my sinuses. In my orbital socket. It wasn’t draining because I had a brain tumor that had been growing for years. It was benign although they didn’t tell me that for a few weeks. And a few months later I had it removed. The aftermath is another story. The moral I take from this is if you are in pain, get help and keep asking until someone listens.

Eventually, we must deal with the pain

Pain is a red flag. Emotional or physical it’s how we as human beings process. Shutting either kind of pain down with, alcohol, sex, drugs, and other self-destructive behaviors just pushes the pain off for a little while. Eventually, we must deal with the pain. It’s not like ripping off a band-aid but if you find someone you trust to share the pain with it will make the journey worthwhile.

No, it isn’t easy but it’s the journey we have. Be kind to yourselves and listen to your body.

Now over to you: Do you recognize yourself in this? Do you listen enough to your inner self?