In my work helping people feel better during or after a trauma, I have noticed that there are some old wounds people don’t want to reveal or revisit. They know that uncovering and exposing this old pain to the light will help give them a better overall sense of well-being. It may also allow them to live a fuller and happier life. In many instances, they want to hang on to that old pain. It’s familiar. Awful, but familiar. Deeply rooted and their fear is stronger than the relief could ever be.
I started to think about why this happens, especially with early in life trauma that we have encapsulated into ourselves. We carry this hurt around as part of us and consciously or unconsciously make decisions based on this earlier event. Sometimes we marry the same kind of people trying to puzzle out what happened to us. The deepest pain remains hidden.
Emotional pain can be every bit as painful as physical pain. (Tweet it!)
And the physical pain we pop pills to try to get rid of that as fast as possible. Is this how people get addicted to pain medication?
What happened the last time you got a headache? Did you take something? Did you think about why you might have a headache before you took a pill or two?
Were you dehydrated? Sleeping poorly? Too much time in the sun? Had you skipped a meal? Too much caffeine in your diet? Is your blood pressure too high?
When did we become afraid of pain?
Pain is most often our bodies way of telling us something is amiss. And not all pain can be deadened by a pill. There is too much information on the internet. I try not to look up symptoms as I am sure Googling it will bring up the worst-case scenarios every time.
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And I am not a great patient I used to wait to go to the Doctor until things were bad. I had a severe sinus headache on and off for almost five years. Every time I would fly I would get a sinus infection. I would tap my forehead and under my eyes and it would hurt bad. I would bend forward, and it felt like someone had taken a bat to my head.
There were two little children at home that I was very involved with and after a couple of Tylenol, cups of coffee and followed by an Advil or two I could get on with my day. This time was no different except antibiotics for ten days to clear the infection.
Did I visit the doctor? Yes, many times. The last time I went I was given vitamin C and Eucalyptus drops. I wasn’t taken seriously. I was told I looked too good to have anything seriously wrong with me. And then a month later I was having my usual headache and my face swelled like the elephant man. I was sure it was an allergy.
I had been to the ENT. They told me my sinuses were clear. And to the eye doctor. They told me it wasn’t my eye even though by then I couldn’t see out of my right eye and the whole right side of my face was swollen. I took a Benadryl and went to bed.
A friend helped me out
A dear friend, also the OBGYN who delivered my children, called to check on me and sent us straight to the Emergency Room. I told the babysitter that we would be back in a few hours. I was in so much pain I couldn’t hold my head up. In the ER I was seen by a doctor that said it was an allergy. A nurse disagreed and booked me for a CT.
It turns out I did have an infection. But not in my sinuses. In my orbital socket. It wasn’t draining because I had a brain tumor that had been growing for years. It was benign although they didn’t tell me that for a few weeks. And a few months later I had it removed. The aftermath is another story. The moral I take from this is if you are in pain, get help and keep asking until someone listens.
Eventually, we must deal with the pain
Pain is a red flag. Emotional or physical it’s how we as human beings process. Shutting either kind of pain down with, alcohol, sex, drugs, and other self-destructive behaviors just pushes the pain off for a little while. Eventually, we must deal with the pain. It’s not like ripping off a band-aid but if you find someone you trust to share the pain with it will make the journey worthwhile.
No, it isn’t easy but it’s the journey we have. Be kind to yourselves and listen to your body.
Now over to you: Do you recognize yourself in this? Do you listen enough to your inner self?
