Being happy all the time is unrealistic and bad for your health. Putting on a happy face is not a life goal. Being happier is. Our world is a turbulent place and happy is one of many emotions that we feel daily. We are an insecure tribe and it’s okay to feel your feelings.
This is not an invitation to sit your four-year-old down and tell her about nuclear arms. This is an invitation to check in with yourself, see how you are doing and don’t feel obligated to always answer fine when someone asks how you are.
Have you ever felt anxious and depressed? And did feeling that way make you feel more anxious and depressed? Did you think something was wrong with you? I did for a long time. Looking back, I have had intense periods of anxiety dating back to my teenage years. Some of our brains are just wired that way. It doesn’t make us damaged. It make us human.
We are not meant to be happy all the time. (Tweet it!)
It’s not the constant state of being for people. We have a full range of emotional experiences. And our emotions are subject to change all the time. As adults, one of the things we can strive for is even temperedness. Some people are more cheerful than others, some people more dramatic.
Not being clinically depressed or having an anxiety disorder, PTSD and other real and diagnosed issues. Those things are real and a constant battle to keep a daily equilibrium. Not of happy and skippy but just of putting one foot in front of another and getting through another day. That is a whole different kind of being that I would be happy to speak more about if the interest is there.
It is okay to be down
A little wallowing is good for the soul. It gives you time to consider or grieve or figure out what comes next. And if you are up all the time how are you going to be able to handle the down? Examining what is bringing you down is also a good exercise. Is it something outside of your control? Then letting go might be in order. Or is it an inside issue you are struggling with?
Life is challenging and if you are happy all the time regardless of your situation, is that really an honest way of being? I am not recommending telling your deepest darkest secrets to everyone who asks you how you are. I am saying be a little more honest with the people you are closest to. Lighten your emotional load by unburdening yourself to a trusted friend, family member or counsellor.
Coaching with Tamara Mendelson
Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2018 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
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Here are 5 strategies to live a calmer and happier life:
1. Turn off the news.
Limit your exposure to one source once a day. There is nothing more damaging to those of us trying to live a gentler life than constant updates of world events we have no control over. And news is less about information and more about sensationalism. It’s meant to get a reaction so slow it down.
2. Limit your access to your devices.
Do you have to answer every text the minute it beeps on your smartphone? Those noise reminders are keyed into your nervous system so you feel compelled to answer. Turn off the bells and whistles. If you need to check in for work once an hour it is probably okay. If you have little kids, feel okay about where they are and how they are doing as often as you need to.
3. Stop comparing yourself and your family to anyone else’s.
Every family has its own drama. There is no such thing as normal. Do not begin sentences is your head like “If only we were…If only I was…” These are no win scenarios and they only lead to us feeling bad. No one knows exactly what goes on in other people’s families or lives. Normal doesn’t exist. Stop comparing. Facebook is the dressed up Sunday best of everyone’s lives. Don’t compare.
4. Get quiet long enough to figure out what you want.
Stay in that space until you can hear that voice in your head. Not the one that tells you negative things. Not the one that tries to keep you safe by keeping you from doing things that put you out there. But the voice that wants something different for you, that brave inner voice that helps you leave a bad job, a bad relationship, forgives you for being human.
5. Do something new.
Actually go somewhere new and try a new activity. Take a class. Take a walk. See new things. Fill up your experience cup. Dust off your dancing shoes and dance. Be happier.
Let me know how it goes.
If you want a little help, fill out an application and come work with me to lead a happier more calm life. I’m listening.
Coaching with Tamara Mendelson
Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2018 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
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Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: What pain do you live with? How do you handle it?