I don’t remember when the first time I heard the term “mental health day” was but I thought it was a great idea. When I was young and single and living in San Francisco, I prided myself on never taking vacation days or sick days and pretty much worked all the time.
By the time I was a parent and my kids were in school six days a week, I realized that every once in a while, they needed a day at home. Six days a week is a lot of days to get up and get organized and get out the door to school. Especially for little people who get tired and need unstructured time to play.
When was the last time you did something just for fun? It rained a bit this morning. Well, sprinkled actually. I stood outside feeling each drop on my face and took a deep breath. I remember standing outside in the rain with my sister in a parking lot once watching a brilliant rainbow form into the deep jewel tones and then begin to fade after a few minutes. People stopped their cars and asked us if we needed anything or were okay. I laughed because at that moment I was all perfectly okay.
Check in on yourself
What I often suggest during sessions with my clients when they are deep in an emotional downpour is to stop and try to notice things around them. Get out of their own heads for awhile.
What triggered this darkness?
When did they begin to feel unwell, or stressed or anxious?
Were there certain people or events that triggered their downward spiral?
Was it a series or cluster of things?
With these simple questions, we can sometimes pinpoint the moment when things were okay to when they were no longer okay. It can be an event that happened years earlier or something that happened yesterday. And when a trigger can be acknowledged and recognized it no longer has the same power or can be avoided in the future.
It’s all about recognition of patterns that are negative and disrupting or discarding those patterns and the development of newer healthier patterns. In practical terms what does that mean?
If you are so wound up in your stress or sadness or circumstance that you can’t see anything beyond it it’s time for you to take a mental health day.
Coaching with Tamara Mendelson
Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2020 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
Here are 5 ways to allow yourself to take a mental health day
1. Breathe.
It’s time to take a deep breath. Take a minute to try and gain some perspective on the situation. If a minute isn’t long enough, take an hour.
2. Change your environment.
Go outside. Get out of the house or the office. Wherever you are feeling trapped or anxious, move. When my own anxiety was crippling, I opened the curtains and let the light in. It doesn’t fix anything but it can make you feel more hopeful. Listen to some music, a podcast, watch a brain candy movie or television show. Anything you can do to change what you see.
3. Get off your own back.
Get out of your own way. I have a friend who used to say “Get off the soapbox we need the wood.” What that means is take a step outside your own story or situation and try to look at it from another perspective. Sometimes people get trapped in their own victimhood and cannot move.
4. Give yourself permission to not be okay for a while.
I have heard clients say, “I am so blessed. I shouldn’t be so unhappy, so sad, so anxious.” Why not? Life is messy and complicated and stressful. Step away for as long as you need to, to get out of the funk that is bringing you down. Is there an event you have been dreading to attend? Don’t go. Give yourself permission to say no.
5. Ask for help.
I know this is a big one and many people have trouble asking. Personally, I didn’t learn how to ask for help until I had a tumor on my brain removed and got PTSD. I had to ask for help. And now I help other people. If we would listen more closely, people offer to help all the time, we just don’t listen. You know that song, “No man is an island, no man stands alone”? The words may be silly but it doesn’t make it any less true.
No one can do this life alone. At least not do it well. It’s too complicated and there is too much sadness and sorrow and stress to do alone. If you are overwhelmed delegate if possible. If you let people know you are in distress sometimes they will surprise and help you to feel better.
Permission granted to do whatever you need to do to feel better. It’s not embarrassing to be human. We are imperfect.
Striving for perfection is a great way to feel bad about not achieving it. (Tweet it!)
Admitting your humanity is a good way forward. Towards better mental health. Take a day.
And if you need someone to talk to I am here to help.
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: I encourage you to check in on yourself. Are you ok? Do you need a mental health day?
