It was hard not to have been riveted to and horrified by the ugly drama that unfolded in the US Senate Judiciary Committee Hearings last year. It looks like Trump’s nominee Brett Kavanaugh is not a Supreme Court Justice who behaves not very judge like.
It’s easy for these senators to say they believed Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony against their nominee, but they still voted for Kavanaugh to be the newest member of the Supreme Court. It is astonishing to note that these allegations, in any other industry, especially a media company, in this time and at this moment in history would have been enough to get the guy fired and possibly have criminal charges brought against him.
The problem is simple
There are people in this world that don’t care what you have to say or what has happened to you. These folks are so used to getting their own way and being part of the 1% that, when there is some pushback, they freak out. Bullies do not like to be stood up to and often their bluster, threats of violence, and bad behavior is enough to keep people quiet. It’s not a political thing it’s a bad behavior thing. And it’s been working since the dawn of time.
So what do we do?
If you don’t vote or get your voice out there to be heard, then you don’t get to bitch.
Be a mama bear. Protect yourself and the people you are responsible for. Call people out. Be brave. And if you feel afraid and alone, get some help. Talk about your fear and your heartbreak. Be loud and persistent and find a channel that works for you.
When you tell your story, it no longer has the same power over you. You can begin to heal and think about moving forward.
I am not saying take on a violent predator by yourself. But if you are in danger, ask for help. And keep asking until someone listens and you get what you need. Make your suffering count. Use it to your advantage to move forward. There is even a psychological term for this process: Post-traumatic growth. I have seen it in my own coaching practice. I have used it in my own life and you can as well.
When I was in college, I still thought I was big and tough and scary and no one would mess with me. That was until I was sexually assaulted by one of my professors. (Tweet it!)
Of course, this was the 80’s so I assumed it was my fault. He told me as well. It was a horrible, life-altering experience. I did tell a few friends who offered to kill him which I thought was nice. I told my story to other women as a warning and a bonding missive. There was also someone who heard my story second or third hand and reached out to me. And because he was part of the student administration at the time this associate professor was denied tenure and left the college at the end of that same year.
Someone listened to me and believed me. Someone heard me and was willing to get involved. I was lucky to have a supportive group of friends around me. Later, I did work with other victims. Unfortunately, there were a lot of victims. Like a lot of college campuses and apparently many workplaces as well at the time and still, where women are targets and through no fault of their own and need to be careful.
Coaching with Tamara Mendelson
Are you struggling through an unexpected life change? I’m now taking applications for 2019 Coaching and I’d love to hear from you! Sign up below to receive my coaching application form straight to your inbox.
[magicactionbox id=1256]
I was hoping things would change
I had hoped with the #metoo movement that things were changing. Big sigh here. I believe in many parts of society things are changing. But not enough, and not yet.
Dr. Ford, in my eyes, is a hero in her own story and in mine. She put herself at great personal risk to tell the truth. Her life, for however long the news cycle lasts, will be a hot topic and under intense pressure and personal scrutiny. Whether you believe her story or not, she is a model of integrity. Something I can’t say for most of the other actors in this reality show.
I had a lawyer try to explain to me (mansplain) that “her testimony would not hold up in court. And as a lawyer, her story had holes in it.” I put up my hand in front of his face and told him to stop talking. I noted that a nomination hearing isn’t a court of law and if he wished to continue speaking to me he needed to stop attacking a woman for telling the truth about her personal, physical assault.
Be the hero in your own story
If you have been wounded or injured or have been through a distressing or disturbing incident, I urge you to get some help. If you are able to talk about it, many times this helps. Having someone hear you helps.
While working through your sadness or trauma, seek out like-minded people. Join a group. Avoid people or situations that make you feel unsafe or put you in any form of a defensive posture.
Don’t be silent. Make some noise. Be loud and unapologetic. Refuse to internalize or accept the shame that society may heep on you. (Tweet it!)
Do not accept the title of victim, although you may have been victimized, as so many women in the #metoo movement have been. Injuries do not have to be physical to cause great and lasting harm. There is no expiry date on a trauma. Sexual assault at any level at any time shouldn’t be okay. Notorious Ruth is going to be very lonely.
If you want a quick education about the Supreme Court and equal rights and why you should care, watch RBG – a CNN documentary about her tenure on the Court. And thank you to the men and women who listen and hear and understand.
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: Are you ready to talk about it? When you are, I’m here. This is a safe place.
