My landlords just sold the house I’ve been living in for the last six years. The first place I lived after my divorce. My moving out date is July 1st. And as I look forward with relocation looming, I started to think about getting rid of things I no longer want or need.
I’ve had many deep conversations with my coaching clients about holding on to things we don’t need and the burden it creates. Purging my life of things I don’t use happens once or twice a year. I have a friend who is a professional organizer, and she comes to fold linens and add moral support while taking bags of stuff to be recycled or donated. But this time it’s different. I am moving from 4 bedrooms with a basement to 3 bedrooms and no extra storage.
I’m a big fan of audible books. I have belonged for about a year and have 10 books on a waiting list, one being, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I’ve read articles about the book and I’ve heard Marie Kondo speak on a morning show. I think her ideas are brilliant but her execution a bit severe. Still, I wanted to start thinking about downsizing and was open to getting inspiration from any place. Another very organized friend gave me Move your stuff: Change your life. I wasn’t ready to move stuff at the time. Now I am.
Making space
So, I bought Marie Kondo’s book, knowing in advance that I don’t live like the Japanese. Space is at a premium on the Island of Japan, so I would keep that in mind. The narrator had a lovely voice. And in the introduction, she claims and almost boasts that she has no rebounds with her clients. I was in the car listening and laughed out loud. The Konmari method is what she calls her system, a combination of her first and last name. She even organized as a five year-old. I laughed even harder.
As a teenager, she read home improvement magazines and tried almost every organizing method and system. She bought countless baskets, bins, and shelving units only to get rid of them as they didn’t work in the end. Then she talked about the spiritual aspect of decluttering and thanking each item you discard for it’s service. This also make me laugh.
I am not so attached to everything I own as to kiss it good-bye and send it on its journey. Okay, so she wants you to touch everything in your possession and decide if it gives you joy. If not, it is thanked and sent on its way. Full disclosure here, in the last two years, I have had two floods, one mold attack, and a robbery. I have less things because of all these events. Especially precious things. The losses have been substantial and many items were irrespirable.
Embrace the opportunity to learn
The best thing I got out of the book was how to fold things into little rectangles and put things vertically into drawers so that each thing can be seen and identified. And her method of starting with clothes and shoes and moving onto other things was useful. I didn’t use her method exactly, but did throw out old receipts and pictures and got my paperwork under control for the first time in years.
From the book, I also understand that Marie Kondo lives alone and empties her purse out every night. That everything in her life has a space. No children or significant other to clutter her space. No pets to messy up her perfectly ordered life. She has a bookshelf in her closet. One tiny bookshelf with all her books. I am an avid reader and I love books. I’m keeping ALL of them along with the bookcases that hold these precious volumes.
She does mention not going through other people’s stuff. My children don’t live at home full-time and sorting through their things isn’t on my list until June. They know what date the move will take place so that’s a deadline I don’t have to reinforce. Like any self-help book, this one offers great wisdom and should be sifted through like any other advice. Taking from it what works for you.
My Post-Divorce Clean Up Advice?
Let some time go by. Don’t make huge decisions while you are still raw.
Don’t chuck things that remind you of your ex. Your kids might want them someday. Box them up if you have the space and deal with them later. Wounds are too fresh
Photos can also be put away and discarded later. At least keep the frames. They were expensive!
Allow yourself to pick a time of your choosing and invite a friend to help.
Going through old love letters and pictures is a good way to remind yourself you are desirable. If you’d like to chat, reach out.
We are not our stuff. It does not define us. Except maybe shoes (Tweet it!)
Over to you: how did you ‘clean up’ after your divorce?