Pain and suffering in our lives, ourselves, and loss of our communities.
I was thinking about despair and hopelessness as I read that another cultural icon had taken her own life. Three intensely creative people this year whom I have grown up watching, enjoying, and being a consumer of their products, all ended their own lives. The oldest being 60 years old the youngest 54.
These creative geniuses who are now lost to the world, their families, and friends and I don’t know how to be okay with these three no longer in our world sharing their gifts.
As an outsider looking in, I can’t imagine why people with everything, status, wealth, creative careers would end up in so much pain that their only choice was to commit suicide. Were these famous folks under a doctor’s care? Were they part of the culture trying to take the edge with drugs that don’t work? Their internal demons so loud that their only option was to shut them up forever?
What does this say about the rest of us regular people with regular careers and issues about paying the mortgage or writing a rent check? Fame can be isolating and people who surround famous people for a little of that fame to rub off may not be helpful to the mental health.
I have been thinking…
And in this context, I have been thinking a lot about grief and depression and how they have the same symptoms. Why do we chemically treat something that is natural and necessary?
Grieving over something or someone that is lost to us is a human way of honouring something that mattered enough to feel pain and anguish at the loss. (Tweet it!)
Have we lost the ability to grieve? To go through the process of losing someone or something? Does it haunt us to the point of despair?
We have physical pain is an indication that something is amiss and if it continues you might consider seeking a medical solution. If the pain is acute the likelihood of seeking treatment becomes more intense.
I believe many times emotional pain heals at a much slower rate than physical pain and without the right tools or interventions maybe it doesn’t heal at all. There are a lot of real life reasons for feeling anxious living in the world right now. I don’t believe it’s all in our heads.
And for some reason I do not understand those are the stories that are broadcast 24/7 on every outlet that messages can be sent. This may very well be the reason why people watch cat videos. It might be only me who watches those videos but with the hundreds of thousands of views I don’t think so.
We are constantly bombarded by the negative. If it isn’t news, then it’s a materialistic mandate that you must buy this product, so you can be okay. That’s nonsense, of course, but it can have a profound effect of how we feel.
Coaching with Tamara Mendelson
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Why are people unhappy?
I am listening to a fascinating book right now by Johann Hari called “Lost Connection – Uncovering the real causes of depression-and the unexpected solutions”. He has some interesting insights into why people are unhappy, depressed, and lonely. And he describes his own journey with anxiety and depression. I highly recommend the book for anyone who has been diagnosed with anxiety and or depression and put on medication.
One of his basic premises is that the anti-anxiety drugs may not work and just having a problem with the way your brain works may not be an accurate picture of what is going on. We are a tribal people and came from groups preagricultural and the way we stayed alive was to be part of a community.
Nature is connection. When we are isolated, as in living alone and not having strong ties to anyone outside of ourselves it may be an urgent signal from our brains to get back to the safety of the group.
So, what happens when we don’t have a group anymore?
Find one, seek out one, or make one. Religious communities, churches, synagogues, bowling leagues, a Facebook group even. These are all places of coming together. We, as human beings, need a tribe and although it may be the last thing you feel like doing letting someone else know you are hurting might be a great first step to healing.
We, as a society, don’t live where we grew up. Don’t live in multigenerational households as we once did. We also pend so many hours working that we don’t make as many meaningful connections as we once did. This is an oversimplification, but what if there is some truth to it?
Where our human icons so isolated by their fame and good fortune that they had no real connections? Perhaps did they feel there was nothing left for them to contribute? We will never know the answers to these questions. But making more human connections and nurturing them and ourselves might keep us safer from pain and loneliness.
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: Have you ever felt unhappy, depressed, or lonely? What steps did you take to feel better?
