Or in other news…it’s just too damn hot.
Woah, I don’t mean actual murder. I just want to give the men in our lives a little heads up and a bit more education about what to expect when living with or interacting with a woman throughout her tumultuous, hormonally challenged and infinitely productive life. These updates should have been going on all along. Who are we being such good sports for, right?
If we don’t talk about it, then it doesn’t exist? Many people think, including men in my life, that if you quit talking about something that is bothering or distressing you, it must be okay now. Right? No, not even close. If women are out there just being such good sports about the challenges in our lives and the changes our bodies go through and never bring it up for discussion, how is anyone to know what’s going on?
For example, my daughter and I refer to the cache of feminine hygiene products in our bathroom as the library. We did this initially and unconsciously so as not to embarrass her. Recently my son asked what the library is and we both burst out laughing as we never told him. It wasn’t a big deal, but we both consciously protected him from this secret.
Why? You may ask
He’s an equal rights kind of guy. Because we protect men’s feelings? We make ourselves smaller so as not to intimidate or overwhelm them. This thinking has got to change. There are too many strong, independent mamas out there raising feminist boys for this disconnect to continue. There are too many teachers and activists and lawmakers not to demand equality. 37 states ratified the ERA. That’s the equal rights amendment. It needs 38 states and it has taken close to 100 years and legislatively women are not equal citizens under the law in America.
As a disclaimer or claimer, hear-me-roar women can do and have anything. Be president of a large country. Okay, not America, but the UK or Germany or India. They have invented new elements and can code up a storm. Write a life changing book and, yes, grow a human being inside their bodies. Sometimes more than one human being at a time. How about running a fortune 500 company while raising a family and writing a book? Thank you, Sheryl Sandberg and Nell Scovell. You see my point?
Okay, so here’s another question
Have you ever noticed that there are more men-centric stories than women-centric stories coming out of Hollywood? Until I read “Just the Funny Parts” by Nell Scovell, I had no idea that many tv shows have one token woman writer in a room full of men. Women are 50% of the population but apparently our stories and points of view are less entertaining. Many times over the years, when talking to people, the “what’s your favorite movie” question comes up and most all the movies are about the lives of men. Women as sidekicks or quietly supportive spouses, not main characters.
Women have also been marginalized for the same amazing powers. When there are two working parents in a household, women still do 30-40% more housework. There are many men in the world that are intimidated by strong women. And alluding to or joking about our ability to bleed once a month is only one way to keep women down by trying to convince us that the magical power of making a human being is somehow dirty or unclean. We get paid less and respected less and now, for the first time in 40 years, our reproductive rights might be at risk again. And it’s too damn hot.
Coaching with Tamara Mendelson
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“Me too”
Someone asked me recently if the “Me Too” movement surprised me.
“No,” I answered. “Not the movement itself.”
What surprised me was the fact that it took 80 years of institutionalized sexual harassment and violence that everyone knew about to come to light. Only after massive evidence and too many women speaking out to silence. “Me Too” is an organization that began in 2006 by Tarara Burke to help support survivors of sexual violence, mainly young women of color in financially challenged communities. When Alyssa Milano tweeted #metoo in October 2017, it was a tipping point.
My favorite comedian, Michelle Wolf, in her HBO special “Nice Lady”, compares having a period and going to work with a guy walking into the office with his arm cut off, gushing blood. All the women in the audience laughed. The men don’t quite get the joke but laugh along sort of half-heartedly. Then she talks about how one of her friends (male) suggests she uses nose bleed instead of arm ripped off. Her response is to begin the story again with both of his arms torn off.
She also suggests that mother nature is a woman and she is passive agressive and pissed off so she’s turned the heat up a little to punish us for not taking care of the earth. And then asks coyly, “Are you uncomfortable?”
I want women to be less good sports about all sorts of things
When my first child was born I was elated and depressed. My whole body ached and I couldn’t sleep or eat. It is possible that I had postpartum depression. He was a lovely little baby but I was lonely and sad and felt like crap all the time. When I had my first breast infection when he was nine weeks old I opened a milk duct with a sterilized needle in the bathtub in a foreign country. It was excruciatingly painful. I didn’t want to stop breastfeeding. To make matters worse, my then husband thought it would be good to take the baby away for 6 hours. He didn’t know better and I didn’t tell him.
The other night, my partner and I walked to a local amphitheater in 85 degrees with 65% humidity. By the time we arrived I was drenched in sweat. If I had stood under a shower for five minutes, I couldn’t have been this wet. Mostly because I had clothes on that night and I, as a rule, don’t get into the shower with my clothes on.
I could feel the damp all the way down my back. He kept remarking how pleasant the weather was. There was no air moving. I was well past glistening and about ready to meltdown in every single way a person could. Yep, I’m talking half a mile beyond hot flash into the fiery inferno of hell realm.
We had seating on the grass which meant being way too close to the people around us. I complained how hot I was. He repeated his thoughts on the weather being so pleasant. I wanted to smash his face in. I just smiled and went and bought myself a cold apple cider. Gave him one sip and used the bottle for an ice pack all over. Eventually my body cooled down enough to sort of enjoy the show.
Men often get in trouble
It occurred to me that there are many situations like this in which men get themselves into trouble without even thinking about it. As a man there is really no need to plan which day to wear white pants. Try to guess when to plan a wedding or vacation around a regular or irregular menstrual cycle. Worry about the effectiveness or side effects of birth control. Layer clothing to be taken off strategically and and still be covered, presentable and appropriate at a wedding. Calculate the proper dosage of a medication as they are often tested on an average weight man.
I am not saying there are not very sensitive, aware, and alert men out there. I am just saying that from the time they hit puberty until the time they die (other than their stomachs resembling spare tires and gravity sagging their balls) their bodies stay about the same.
And I am going to quote Beyonce here “I am not bossy, I am the boss.”
Feminism is all about equality, not women being better than men. (Tweet it!)
Maybe things would be a little more equal if we told it like it really is more often.
Because right now, it’s too damn hot.
Be kind to yourself.
Now over to you: What are your thoughts about this? I’d love to hear them!
